I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
