it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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