Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
