I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I have aggressive nipples.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize