is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
