remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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