Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Can you repeat that, but with context?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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