I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
