3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
