Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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