Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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