found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
