did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
