If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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