someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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