when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
