Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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