So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
