it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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