Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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