i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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