never play flip cup with pint glasses
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
