people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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