It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
honey bunches of taint.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
