I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
