Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
