dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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