I heard we made out
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
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