woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
