Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Can you repeat that, but with context?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
