My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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