Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
