My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
