at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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