Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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