did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize