...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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