That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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