I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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