I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize