Pappa wants mamma naked
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
