Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
