I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Randomize
