I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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