You really coming over, don't trick.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
