Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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