I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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