Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
