evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
