yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
