I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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