there's paper in my vomit.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
