Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
