i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
