farters have to be the big spoon...
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Randomize
