I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
