guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
