we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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