you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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