I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
