There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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