Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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