Non-Jews are for practice
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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