Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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