So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
