I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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