I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
