Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
