Someone shit on the floor
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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