I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
