Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
