I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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