yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize