she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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