Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize