Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
