pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
