i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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