tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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