I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
