I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
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