Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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