why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
