You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
