I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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